somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
