You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
