is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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