and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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