I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
