i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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