My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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