I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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