I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
