I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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