it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
