Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
