Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
