brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
