i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
