Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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