it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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