Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
