Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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