just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And then my night got REAL pukey
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
