she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
