We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
