So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
