Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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