its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
