So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
