my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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