Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
