I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
