Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
