Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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