I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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