I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
