Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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