Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
