# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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