She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
