Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
