I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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