he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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