Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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