from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
