All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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