Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
