it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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