Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
