idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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