the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
