shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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