It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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