Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
