I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
