I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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