i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
