I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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