I'm drive I can fine osifer
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
