thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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