my being single is dangerous.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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