Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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