Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
