1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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