i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
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I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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