yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
