Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
