I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
