You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
