Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
