he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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