I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
