She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
