If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
