the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
