I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
