omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
