Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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