This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
